Monday, February 27, 2006

Devilish Southern Belle

Blog Name: Devilish Southern Belle
Comment Left: Never fear, Smacky is here to comment. Here is Smacky's comment. Are you ready? Here it is:

This blog sucks ass.


Blog Name: WordPlay
Comment Left: Smacky enjoyed reading your poems. He found them funny and interesting, in the same way that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is funny and interesting.

Krusty Konservative

Blog Name: Krusty Konservative
Comment Left: Smacky agrees, ads are stupid and irrelevant. Which means they would fit in perfectly with the rest of your blog content.

Iselin Akos

Blog Name: Iselin Akos
Comment Left: Smacky wonders what the sign is to warn people away from a crappy blog. If there is such a sign, it should appear at the top of every page of your blog.

Windows Only

Blog Name: Windows Only
Comment Left: This blog reminds me of the writings of William Shakespeare. Aged four.

Sugar Free Energy Drinks

Blog Name: Sugar Free Energy Drinks
Comment Left: Being forced to read this blog can be compared to the act of standing inside the septic tank of a port-a-potty while a constant parade of drunken truck drivers, all of whom had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, rain down fecal matter and insults upon your head.

Good, Bad and the Ugly of Fashion and Gossip, Allegedly

Blog Name: Good, Bad and the Ugly of Fashion and Gossip, Allegedly
Comment Left: Contents of this blog provided by the New York City Department of Waste and Sanitation.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Those Other Moments

Blog Name: Those Other Moments
Comment Left: Recently, the act of reading this blog scored at number 37 on the Boston Standardized Top 100 Crappiest Things To Do List. It came in just between "sniffing a skunk's ass" and "chewing the head off a midget".

Paul Soglin: Waxing America

Blog Name: Paul Soglin: Waxing America
Comment Left: Smacky tried to read through your blog, but he decided it would be preferable to gnaw through his own leg, then use the severed appendage to rodger a goat.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Blog Name: yaniblog
Comment Left: Reading this blog makes Smacky wonder which level of hell is reserved for people with boring blogs with putrid colour schemes?

Peace Is My Way

Blog Name: Peace Is My Way
Comment Left: Congratulations on your trip to LA. While in California, Smacky would like to invite you to go fuck yourself.

Marti's Musings

Blog Name: Marti's Musings
Comment Left: Smacky considers this blog to be numbers 1, 3, 4, 7 and 9 on his Top Ten List of Crappy Blogs.

DrWeb's Domain

Blog Name: DrWeb's Domain
Comment Left: While Smacky agrees that it is indeed difficult to imagine a world without blogs, it is very easy - and in fact quite pleasurable - to imagine a world without this blog.

berinhard the slave

Blog Name: berinhard the slave
Comment Left: Smacky would like to offer you some constructive criticism to help make your blog better:

1. Say something interesting. Everything you have said so far is boring.
2. Put in some pictures of puppies. People like puppies.
3. Hire someone with talent to write your blog entries for you.

Hope this helps!

"God does not play dice" - A. Einstein

Blog Name: "God does not play dice" - A. Einstein
Comment Left: Smacky feels that, judging from your first post, this blog is destined for a long and distinguished career in the world of suck.

Note: Smacky feels that there is nothing sweeter than using the first comment in the first post in a new blog to insult the blog owner.

Smacky's Update:
Apparently, this blog has shut down. You can all thank Smacky for ridding the world of at least one crappy blog.

Bunny Johnson

Blog Name: Bunny Johnson
Comment Left: As an interesting side note, now that Don Knotts is dead, he smells just as bad as this blog.

Dead Ink Vinyl

Blog Name: Dead Ink Vinyl
Comment Left: Smacky would like to invite this blog's owner to fornicate themselves with a curry comb.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Great Petaluma Quilt Show

Blog Name: Great Petaluma Quilt Show
Comment Left: The idea of attending the Great Petaluma Quilt Show is, to any right-thinking person, about as enjoyable as spending the winter in a small wooden box. This show is also guitly of the most egregious misuse of the word "Great" since Martha Hedgewick of Chatham, Ontario, claimed that her mother-in-law's lasagna tasted great, when in fact it was at best mediocre.

Yuss Yuss!! Duffinitely!!

Blog Name: Yuss Yuss!! Duffinitely!!
Comment Left: The contents of this blog could be readily replaced with 15 pounds of rotting pork without any appreciable difference in content quality.

Hodgepodge from The Geranium Farm

Blog Name: Hodgepodge from The Geranium Farm
Comment Left: Reading this blog can be compared to the act of watching paint dry, then chipping it off the wall and eating it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Dustin's Diary

Blog Name: Dustin's Diary
Comment Left: Smacky has forwarded this blog URL to the US jail-keepers at Guantanamo Bay. Soon, there will be pictures of Iraqi soldiers being tortured by being forced to to read this blog.

lalalalala i'm bored!

Blog Name: lalalalala i'm bored!
Comment Left: Smacky conducted an experiment. He took a photograph of this blog owner, and blew it up lifesized. He then had a cardboard cutout made, with the face missing, like the ones you see at carnivals and fairs. He then shoved a baboon's engorged red ass through the face hole, and took a picture.

No one could tell the difference between this new photo and the original.

flor de papel

Blog Name: flor de papel
Comment Left: Smacky quisiera comentar respecto a su blog, pero él no sabe decir que "este blog es basura" en español.

Translation: Smacky would like to comment on your blog, but he doesn't know how to say "this blog is garbage" in Spanish.

Blog Day Afternoon

Blog Name: Blog Day Afternoon
Comment Left: Smacky is of the opinion that the opinions expressed in these comments, as well as the original posts that spawned them, are as intelligent and well thought out as the idea of using your own rectum as a lunch box.

Spa, Massage and more

Blog Name: Spa, Massage and more
Comment Left: Smacky recommends this spa highly. The happy endings are mediocre, but only 5 bucks.

The Brubakers

Blog Name: The Brubakers
Comment Left: Pictures like these should carry a warning label. Something like "WARNING: The following photographs should not be viewed by the elderly, pregnant women, or anyone else who might be upset by a photograph of two twats".

TShirt Hell

Blog Name: TShirt Hell
Comment Left: Smacky hates your site. Not because of the t-shirts. No, they are funny. Smacky hates your site because it gives babies cancer.

BTW, to forestall any bitching, Smacky fully realizes that TShirt Hell is not a blog. However, Smacky hates the site so much, he wanted to comment anyway. He had to do it by email, because the Satan-loving puppy fucker who owns this site doesn't have a comment section. Just like the Nazis. They didn't have a comment section on their website either.


Blog Name: EgOiStE
Comment Left: Smacky hates this blog because its owner looks like Vin Deisel combined with a tutu and a fruit salad.

I AM ... NOT

Blog Name: I AM ... NOT
Comment Left: I think Smacky sums it up best when he says "This blog blows worse than Albert Camus' grandmother with a mouthful of tacks".

Bird's Nest

Blog Name: Bird's Nest
Comment Left: Reading this blog is more displeasing than the act of smearing leper excrement in your eyes.


Blog Name: nonincriminating
Comment Left: Smacky hates this blog more than he hates cancer.

Why should I care?

Blog Name: Why should I care?
Comment Left: Reading this blog can be favourably compared to the act of severing one's own penis by coating it with beef soup base and shoving a starving ferret down your pants.

Living like a Bolivian

Blog Name: Living like a Bolivian
Comment Left: The pictures on this blog are equally as fascinating as photographs of Kathy Lee Gifford eating porridge.

Darling Vik

Blog Name: Darling Vik
Comment Left: According to those who have tried it, kissing Vik is comparable to kissing an ashtray. An ashtray filled with goat semen.

My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles

Blog Name: My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles
Comment Left: Reading your blog brings to mind those heady days of the Algonquin Round Table. In specific, the heady, potent puddles of vomit and vaginal discharge left under the table by Dorothy Parker.

Gallery of the Absurd

Blog Name: Gallery of the Absurd
Comment Left: Imagine a drunken homeless person, staggering down the street. A dog runs up, and takes a crap in a pile of rotting vegetation near a dumpster. The homeless person then proceeds to vomit on the pile. This blog is worse than that pile.


Comment Left: You probably don't read English. Smacky certainly can't read the strange collection of random letter samplings that passes for your native tongue. Be that as it may, the owner of this blog is an ass.

The Book Bitches

Blog Name: The Book Bitches
Comment Left: This blog, if taken internally, would cause intestinal cysts.

Songs about Faith

Blog Name: Songs about Faith
Comment Left: Faith. Smacky has faith that one day this crappy blog will learn how to write good poetry.


Blog Name: Introspectre
Comment Left: This blog smells like a bucket of vulture vomit, after it had just gotten through eating the bloated and maggot-ridden corpse of some guy Dick Cheney shot and killed.

Note - Comments for this blog are moderated, so Smacky's comment will likely not appear.


Blog Name: morrisey_live
Comment Left: If you painted this blog yellow and added planted some new flowers, it would still blow dead lungfish.

My Ox Is Broken

Blog Name: My Ox Is Broken
Comment Left: This blog derives 87% of its content from fetid Louisianna swamplands.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Bene Diction Blogs On

Blog Name: Bene Diction Blogs On
Comment Left: Jesus hates this blog.

Going Underground's Blog

Blog Name: Going Underground's Blog
Comment Left: This blog scored 75% on the WHSMPBC (Walford-Harrington Standardized Measure of Putrid Blog Content). There is a +25% margin of error.

A Welsh View

Blog Name: A Welsh View
Comment Left: If this blog were to be printed out on normal paper and these pages were to be set on fire, the resulting ash would smell exactly like suck.


Blog Name: Groovy
Comment Left: According to a 17-million dollar study commissioned in 2004, and conducted at UCLA, this blog sucks ass.


Blog Name: Il_Duce
Comment Left: Your blog suffers from penis envy.

Budo No Kenkyukai

Blog Name: Budo No Kenkyukai
Comment Left: Try manipulating the space around you in order to not suck

Dirty Olive

Blog Name: Dirty Olive
Comment Left: Your blog smells like yogurt.

Monday, February 20, 2006


Blog Name: .Jon.Reardon.
Comment Left: Funny. "My dog is dead. No it isn't". No wonder nobody reads your blog.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Complimenting Commenter

For my first effort, I decided to start with the blog that started it all: The Complimenting Commenter.

Blog Name: The Complimenting Commenter
Comment Left: This blog is puerile, and lacks redemptive qualities.

Overall, I applaud this website in its desire to create happy-squishy feelings by running around complimenting people on their blogs. Of course, the idea of complimenting someone regardless of merit is pretty much as stupid as, say, insulting someone regardless of whether or not they deserve it.

Welcome to the Insult O' Matic

Greetings. My name is Smacky, and I am a mouse. You may wonder how I come to have not only access to the Internet, but the ability to create cogent sentences. Well, the answer is simple. Don't be a nosy prick.

I once encountered a blog called the "Complimenting Commmenter". The sole purpose of this site is to go around and compliment various blogs, regardless of merit. Seems pretty stupid to me. So, in the interests of universal balance and harmony, I have decided to create a blog whose sole purpose is to go around insulting other blogs.

No blog is safe. Anyone can be insulted by Smacky. I will choose the blog to be insulted at random, based upon a complex mathematical formula including factors such as daily hits, astrological forecasts, and random dumb luck.

If your blog has been chosen to be insulted, consider yourself lucky. Many are mocked, but few are chosen. I invite all comments, and anticipate significant backlash. To you backlashers out there, allow me to remind you of the Insult O' Matic Blog's motto:

Fuck you, you humourless fuck.