Smacky's Insult O' Matic


Thursday, November 30, 2006

Giveaway of the Day

Blog Name: Giveaway of the Day
Comment Left: Smacky is thankful for this wonderful screensaver, but wonders. He wonders if anyone else finds the town depicted in the screensaver creepy as hell?

Think about it: the town - lets call it Screensaverville - is well lit - in fact, while Smacky watched (from 7:45 to 8:20 pm), every single light in every single window was on. All of them. Even porch lights and tool sheds and stuff.

Despite this, there are very few signs of actual human life. First off, no people. Lights are on, but no one is at home. Or are they all at home? Huddled inside their houses, every single light in the place blazing, guarding against God knows what.

There are no footprints in the snow. Judging by the rate of Normal snowfall (the default selection), it would take about 30-45 minutes to completely eradicate all traces of footsteps. Sure, they would fill in quickly, but still leave an indentation. Erasing that totally would take some time.

But there are car tracks on the road. By the looks of them, they are relatively fresh, and appear to have been made within the last 10-15 minutes. But we never see a car.

But, as Smacky watched, flying about town, he noticed that the tire tracks never fill in. So, that means that someone is driving around and freshening the tracks. But they're always 10-15 minutes ahead of Smacky, no matter how many times he takes a shortcut by flying over the river.

So, to summarize the situation in Screensaverville:

1. Every single person in town has either (a) left the town, or (b) shut themselves up inside their houses and turned on every single light in the house.

2. Nobody goes outside; in fact, no one has gone outside for some time.

3. At least one vehicle stealthily patrols the town.

Sounds like something is definitely going on in Screensaverville. What aren't we being told?

Saturday, September 23, 2006

That Grrl

Blog Name: That Grrl
Comment Left: Smacky was distressed by your picture of a mouse hanging over a lethal trap. Smacky has informed anti-racists groups of your horrible behaviour. He has also notified the Red Cross about the cruel and unusual punishment that is your blog.

Cacophonic Blitherings

Blog Name: Cacophonic Blitherings
Comment Left: So, did you make the coffee or not? The world is obviously dying to know. BTW, if ruminations about possible coffee production and consumption are the most profound thoughts that occupy your time, Smacky thinks you probably don't need to keep a blog.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Blog Name: Andiaphora
Comment Left: Smacky has to admit, after reading your blog, he would hire you in a minute. Assuming, of course, that the job required the services of an anacephalic twat with the personality of a dried apricot.

Smacky's Update
Like so many other blog-owners, Andiaphora persists in engaging in the heinous act of censorship. Made more heinous, of course, by the fact that they censored Smacky. So, perhaps Smacky's next comment will remain without being deleted.

Second Comment: The fact that you censor your posts distresses Smacky. Although not as much as the fact that you masturbate with a broom handle shoved up your ass.

The Evil Eye Cafe

Blog Name: The Evil Eye Cafe
Comment Left:
Smacky is a regular reader of this blog. On the days on which Smacky cannot read this blog, he smears raccoon excrement on his eyes. This is a suitable substitute.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Frap Gurl

Blog Name: Frap Gurl
Comment Left: Smacky loves goth girls. They remind him that human stupidity and a senseless devotion to fashion are not limited to preppy blonde airheads.

Ridgeway Legacy Family

Blog Name: Ridgeway Legacy Family
Comment Left: Smacky used to think there was nothing more boring than some teenaged airhead blogging on about their dull, unintersting lives. Apparently, you have discovered something duller than that - blogging about the dull and uninteresting lives of imaginary characters in your game of The Sims.

Smacky would like to advise you to go outside, and meet some real people.

Geography at the Movies

Blog Name: Geography at the Movies
Comment Left: The owner of this blog appears to be a teacher. Probably a geography teacher. Smacky wants you to know, so that there is no doubt: There is no one on earth more hated and despised than a geography teacher.

Daily Exploits of a Manic Suicidal

Blog Name: Daily Exploits of a Manic Suicidal
Comment Left: No need to apologize about never posting. This blog's only redeeming feature is the large period of time between entries.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Sardine Addict

Blog Name: Sardine Addict
Comment Left: Smacky commends your hunt for co-posters. Perhaps you will get lucky and find someone who's posts don't appear to have been written by a slightly retarded chunk of rectal crust.

Smacky's Note: Check out this email response Smacky got from this blog's owner.
You are right! ... You seem to be a very articulate guy/girl, and I will be glad to have you as a co-poster. Please fill out the application.
Ha! For his efforts, Smacky has been insulted back, his posts deleted, and occasionally complimented. This is the first time the insulted blog owner has invited Smacky to become a co-poster!

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Drugs and Alcohol

Blog Name: Drugs and Alcohol
Comment Left: Smacky disagrees with your assessment of drugs and alcohol. For one thing, if it wasn't for heroin and Jack Daniels, your blog would be about as interesting and entertaining as watching slow-motion church services.

1 : 1

Blog Name: 1 : 1
Comment Left: This wonderful photo of clouds also accurately depicts the amount of semen this blog's owner has had sprayed across his back over the past 3 years.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

A Day in the Life

Blog Name: A Day in the Life
Comment Left: Smacky was so glad to find your site. If Smacky can't randomly find at least 3 blogs called "A Day in the Life" per day, he starts to worry. This blog is about as original as "The Da Vinci Code".

Jill Writes

Blog Name: Jill Writes
Comment Left: Smacky saw your pictures Jill, and he thinks you are very pretty. He hopes this fact help makes up for your utter lack of writing ability.

Food for Thought

Blog Name: Food for Thought
Comment Left: Interesting blog title. "Food for Thought." I suppose the contents could be considered food for thought, but only after thought had ate the food, chased it down with a nice Chianti, thoroughly digested the food, and then excreted it out again.

So, the proper title of this blog should be "Thought Shit".

Monday, March 20, 2006

The Walls Have Eyes

Blog Name: The Walls Have Eyes
Comment Left: Smacky was going to insult this blog, but he was afraid you have some kind of Trenchcoat Mafia thing going on. After reading your blog, Smacky has come to the following conclusion:

The owner of this blog, and most of his friends, spend too much time masturbating to pictures of Amy Lee.

Smacky's Update: Smacky is stunned. This blog's owner, some twat called "the watcher", emailed Smacky and asked him to insult her blog. Then, she censored the comment, taking out the last line, worried that kids who come to her blog would read them. Remember, she invited Smacky to insult her blog, after reading Smacky's blog. What did she think, Smacky was going to make a joke about Elmo from Sesame Street?Smacky went easy on her, snd she still censored him. Which is why the watcher is the first ever recipient of Smacky's "Assinine Twat" award.


Blog Name: Daxohol
Comment Left: Smacky would like to inform you that your blog sucks worse than a chick with no cheeks.

Grita Ya!

Blog Name: Grita Ya!
Comment Left: Smacky found your blog when he began testing a new piece of software. Its like a search engine, only its specifically designed to find blogs that have been written by people whose IQs fall in the range of 7-44.

Smacky's Update: Looks like the owner of this blog actually disabled comments after Smacky left his. Nice to know that Smacky has had such a large impact on this blog.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Mysteria Electronica Maxima

Blog Name: Mysteria Electronica Maxima
Comment Left: ... rippling

like pretty


of so much
pretentious literary bullshit

odd spacings




Saturday, March 18, 2006

Outcast by Choice

Blog Name: Outcast by Choice
Comment Left: Smacky has read that you feel nervous when you see a squad car. Maybe the reason you fear the squad car is because you're worried they're the idiot police.

Smacky's Note: This is the first blog to be insulted as a result of an invitation from the blog owner. Hooray for Steppanwolf. What an ass.


Blog Name: Gangsta
Comment Left: The feeling that came over Smacky while reading your blog does not have a name. However, he can tell you that it was exactly the same feeling you would get if you saw that that the slice of pizza you had just finished was, unbeknownst to you, covered with anchovies and dead, rotting seagull intestines.


Blog Name: Lime
Comment Left: Your attempts at self-deprecation fail to adequately warn the reader just how pathetically awful this blog actually is.
Smacky's Notes: Once again, a blog that Smacky has insulted has shut down. The fact that it shut down within days of the insult is not lost on Smacky. Remember folks, Smacky is doing his best to weed the blog garden!

ET11 Robot

Blog Name: ET11 Robot
Comment Left: Smacky took the time to read carefully through your blog. Each and every entry. He is pleased to announce that he managed to do this while still keeping his lunch down.

This is sodhi's world

Blog Name: This is sodhi's world
Comment Left: Smacky would like to help your blog out by contributing a definition of his own.

The Sodhi's World blog: A depository of loathsome, doltish droolings, disguised as writing, with a world full of hapless suckers on one end and an obtuse and witless simian on the other.

Smacky's Note: Once again, a blog that Smacky insulted has shut down within days of the insult. This is number three that Smacky is aware of. Smacky is like Darwin, but for blogs.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Gazette de Beavette

Blog Name: Gazette de Beavette
Comment Left: Smacky cannot help but point out that Neil Young's music - as indeed did Neil Young himself - blow fetid dingo penis.

Smacky's Note: Another blog shut down after Smacky's insult. Smacky is particularly pleased that this blog shut down, because he's pretty sure it was run by French Nazis.

Emer Emma

Blog Name: Emer Emma
Comment Left: This blog has much to recommend it, provided one is a masochist looking for the literary equivalent of a boot in the privates.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Simple Thots

Blog Name: Simple Thots
Comment Left: Smacky loved the pictures. By any chance, is the photographer a blind, retarded ape? It would explain the framing and light balance issues.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Playing Doctor

Blog Name: Playing Doctor
Comment Left: Smacky would like to extend his sympathies to every other sad git who has had the misfortune to be exposed to this blog.

The Chronicles of Desprorado

Blog Name: The Chronicles of Desprorado
Comment Left: Interesting blog. You should contact the Guinness Book of Records. I'm sure they could invent some suitable category for this blog, something like "Most Cretinous Drool Crammed into one Poorly Written Excuse for a Blog", or perhaps "Biggest Stinky Poo Poo" or something.

Welcome to the Madness

Blog Name: Welcome to the Madness
Comment Left: Smacky has to take his glasses off to read this blog. You see, Smacky had special glasses made up, which filter out 98% of literary bullshit.
Smacky's Update: This blog is dead. It's a stiff, berift of life, it rests in peace.

Traduções & Retroversões

Blog Name: Traduções & Retroversões
Comment Left: Each successive logo serves to "Express" the fact that whoever designs these logos possesses the style and sense of artistic design of a catatonic dung beetle.


Blog Name: YamLive!
Comment Left: Smacky once encounterd a blog where the owner would daily publish a picture of the colony of mold growing on a bran muffin.

This blog has now replaced that blog as the stupidest blog on the Internet.

CLAP ........ CLAP ........ CLAP .....

I'm so right, it's offensive

Blog Name: I'm so right, it's offensive
Comment Left: Smacky got a good laugh reading your post, until he realized that you were probably serious. The Internet is a lovely place, and it allows us, through blogs like this one, to witness levels of idiocy rarely seen outside of an 18th century insane asylum.

Me in the News

Blog Name: Me in the News
Comment Left: Your astute political commentary leads Smacky to deduce two things:

1) Your views on foreign policy were likely stolen from a particularly dim-witted 4 year old child.
2) You are a twat.

In The Money

Blog Name: In The Money
Comment Left: Perhaps there is a reason everyone is staying away. Have you ever considered that it might be your breath and offensive dress sense?

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Smacky's Insult-O-Matic FAQ

Q. Who are you?
A. Smacky. Smacky is a mouse. A field mouse to be precise, although Smacky supposes the name is something of a misnomer, as Smacky does not live in a field. Smacky lives in a 4-bedroom condo in Nice. Near the beach.
Q. Why do you go around insulting other people's blogs?
A. Well, its fun. Also Smacky once encountered a blog called the "Complimenting Commmenter". The sole purpose of this site is to go around and compliment various blogs, regardless of merit. It seemed pretty stupid to Smacky. So, in the interests of universal balance and harmony, Smacky has decided to create a blog whose sole purpose is to go around insulting other blogs.
Q. Don't you think that's rather pointless?
A. Like this is the only pointless webpage on the Internet.
Q. Do you think your blog is better than everyone elses?
A. Hardly. Smacky realizes his blog is pretty pointless, but it amuses him, and gives him something to do while he tries to kick his addiction to heroin.
Q. How do you choose which blogs to insult?
A. Smacky chooses most of the blogs he insults at random. Smacky reads many blogs in a day, because he has nothing better to do. Smacky does not pick "bad" blogs, or blogs he "hates", or any such thing. The process is random. Just because a blog is insulted, does not mean it isn't a good blog.
Q. No, really, why do you do this?
A. Didn't Smacky already answer this question?
Q. What do you get out of this?
A. Smacky likes seeing how his insults are handled. Some people just delete them. Smacky hates these people, because they engage in censorship. Just because you don't like a comment, does not mean you should silence another person's voice. Smacky leaves all comments on his blog without altering them. Some people get annoyed, and come to Smacky's blog to post angry rebuttals. Smacky calls these people "idiots"; its all in good fun, you silly twats, so lighten up. Some people take the insults in good humour, and give as good as they get. Smacky likes these people.
Q. How would you feel if your hurtful comments caused someone to shut down their blog?
A. This has already happened. Smacky feels proud, knowing he has done his part to remove one small speck of pointless and idiotic pollution from the blogosphere.

Monday, March 06, 2006


Comment Left: You do a diservice to the reader when you say that "This blog is nothing fancy". You mislead the reader into thinking that the blog will probably contain a collection of poorly-written articles, created by some sub-literate primate, when in fact, it is much, much worse than that.
Smacky's Update: The pussy deleted Smacky's blog comment. Censorship reigns supreme at this blog!

Second Comment Left: Kirby hated censorship. Stop deleting Smacky's comments! It's not like there's anything else worth reading around here.

Third Comment Left: Hey, Mike, think you can take enough time out from tonguing out Kirby's dead anus to stop censoring your comments? You notice, Smacky leaves your comments alone. But then, Smacky does not promote censorship. Don't be a hater, Mike.

Fourth Comment Left: Did you hear the news? Mike (the owner of this blog) was recently arrested for having anal intercourse with Kirby's corpse. He didn't even use a condom.

Fith Comment Left: Kirby says hi from Hell, Mike. He asked Smacky to tell you that Babe Ruth is there too, and they each take turn sodomizing the other with baseball bats lubricated with the blood of baby seals.

Five Pipers ... Piping

Blog Name: Five Pipers ... Piping
Comment Left: Obviously, "Five Pipers Piping" is a thinly veiled reference to the act of masturbation; where the "five pipers" are, in fact, fingers, and the act of "piping" refers to the act of stroking the penis, or "pipe". Apparently, once this masturbation is completed, the gooey result of this unnatural phallic stimulation was collected and used to create this blog. Stinkyfingers should be the name of this blog.
Smacky's Update: Once again, Smacky's carefully thought-out comment was heartlessly deleted. This blog made Smacky cry.


Blog Name: Mish-mosh
Comment Left: Smacky thanks you, for you have given him much to think about. Smacky now has new questions to ponder, such as "How can a just and loving God allow this syphaletic cyst have his own blog?" and "I wonder what sucks harder, this blog or the anus of a goat with a vacuum cleaner hose stuffed down its throat?"
Smacky's Update: Smacky's comment was deleted. You know, for a supposedly "Christian" blog, this blog-owner sure is quick to censor comments he dislikes. And censorship is not what the Church is about young man!

s|mpLe yEt c0mpLeX

Blog Name: smpLe yEt c0mpLeX
Comment Left: Thank you so much for keeping this blog, for it answers that long-asked question: "I wonder what would happen if you gave a computer to a masturbating imbecile?"

Not Talking Multiple Choice

Blog Name: Not Talking Multiple Choice
Comment Left: Apparently, the Romans would pay a pretty drachma for a pair of soiled panties.

Oh, btw your blog sucks sweaty dingo testicles.


Blog Name: smart
Comment Left: Smacky thanks you for this update. Without people like you, who would keep the world up to date on the ever-changing world of superficial and pointless drivel?

(Smacky's Note: This blog may be the most horrifically misnamed thing since a pan of rotting horse manure was mistakenly labelled "Brownies" at Mrs. McMurphy's Bake Sale and Jumbo Penny Market).

A Writer's Journal

Blog Name: A Writer's Journal
Comment Left: Wow, what a funny story. Smacky thinks that both you and the drive-thru order guy have the sense of humour of a retarded pit bull.

Headline Blog

Blog Name: Headline Blog
Comment Left: Smacky believes that if Oscar Wilde were alive today, he could squeeze out a steaming plateful of fecal pudding that would make a better blog than this.


Blog Name: NeoProgBlog
Comment Left: Your astute political opinions and insight lead Smacky to believe that you are the product of a mating union between an inbred, 13-toed bedwetter and Don Knotts' left testicle.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

G-Strings & Candy Bars

Blog Name: G-Strings & Candy Bars
Comment Left: Smacky would like to compare your blog to some of the writings of Dorothy Parker. Unfortuantely, he cannot, because Ms. Parker never wrote such a collection of unadulterated crap.

Starting Off

Blog Name: Starting Off
Comment Left: Smacky is at a loss here. First off, you call yourself John Steinbeck. If this is your real name, that's one thing (although your parents are clearly twits). If you chose this name yourself, then you are one egotistical would-be writer.
Secondly, you claim to be a writer. And yet, your post is riddled with spelling mistakes. From your title "gettihng started" to your claim that you "...learned a lot about stylistic writing and lokking at patterns".

So, not much sense in insulting this blog; your own writing does that quite well.

Chew your grouse

Blog Name: Chew your grouse
Comment Left: Smacky found it humourous to note that you were posting about the lady's financial opinions, and yet still took the time to mock her appearance.
Which makes you a bitch.


Blog Name: kaio1
Comment Left: Smacky would like to thank you for this photograph. He needed something to help induce vomiting in his cat.

Shut up Get out

Blog Name: Shut up Get out
Comment Left: Smacky would like to suggest a few other things that should go without saying:

"Do not Read this Blog"
"This Blog Sucks"
"Reading this Blog could Lead to Retinal Bleeding"


Blog Name: Formula1-News
Comment Left: Smacky was quite pleased to find your blog, because he just recently ran out of Nembutal.


Blog Name: Lycanthropy
Comment Left: Smacky feels that the term "Canadian Music" can be compared to phrases such as "Chinese Wine", "American Values" and "French War Heroes".

Monday, February 27, 2006

Devilish Southern Belle

Blog Name: Devilish Southern Belle
Comment Left: Never fear, Smacky is here to comment. Here is Smacky's comment. Are you ready? Here it is:

This blog sucks ass.


Blog Name: WordPlay
Comment Left: Smacky enjoyed reading your poems. He found them funny and interesting, in the same way that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is funny and interesting.

Krusty Konservative

Blog Name: Krusty Konservative
Comment Left: Smacky agrees, ads are stupid and irrelevant. Which means they would fit in perfectly with the rest of your blog content.

Iselin Akos

Blog Name: Iselin Akos
Comment Left: Smacky wonders what the sign is to warn people away from a crappy blog. If there is such a sign, it should appear at the top of every page of your blog.

Windows Only

Blog Name: Windows Only
Comment Left: This blog reminds me of the writings of William Shakespeare. Aged four.

Sugar Free Energy Drinks

Blog Name: Sugar Free Energy Drinks
Comment Left: Being forced to read this blog can be compared to the act of standing inside the septic tank of a port-a-potty while a constant parade of drunken truck drivers, all of whom had dinner at a Mexican restaurant, rain down fecal matter and insults upon your head.

Good, Bad and the Ugly of Fashion and Gossip, Allegedly

Blog Name: Good, Bad and the Ugly of Fashion and Gossip, Allegedly
Comment Left: Contents of this blog provided by the New York City Department of Waste and Sanitation.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Those Other Moments

Blog Name: Those Other Moments
Comment Left: Recently, the act of reading this blog scored at number 37 on the Boston Standardized Top 100 Crappiest Things To Do List. It came in just between "sniffing a skunk's ass" and "chewing the head off a midget".

Paul Soglin: Waxing America

Blog Name: Paul Soglin: Waxing America
Comment Left: Smacky tried to read through your blog, but he decided it would be preferable to gnaw through his own leg, then use the severed appendage to rodger a goat.

Saturday, February 25, 2006


Blog Name: yaniblog
Comment Left: Reading this blog makes Smacky wonder which level of hell is reserved for people with boring blogs with putrid colour schemes?

Peace Is My Way

Blog Name: Peace Is My Way
Comment Left: Congratulations on your trip to LA. While in California, Smacky would like to invite you to go fuck yourself.

Marti's Musings

Blog Name: Marti's Musings
Comment Left: Smacky considers this blog to be numbers 1, 3, 4, 7 and 9 on his Top Ten List of Crappy Blogs.

DrWeb's Domain

Blog Name: DrWeb's Domain
Comment Left: While Smacky agrees that it is indeed difficult to imagine a world without blogs, it is very easy - and in fact quite pleasurable - to imagine a world without this blog.

berinhard the slave

Blog Name: berinhard the slave
Comment Left: Smacky would like to offer you some constructive criticism to help make your blog better:

1. Say something interesting. Everything you have said so far is boring.
2. Put in some pictures of puppies. People like puppies.
3. Hire someone with talent to write your blog entries for you.

Hope this helps!

"God does not play dice" - A. Einstein

Blog Name: "God does not play dice" - A. Einstein
Comment Left: Smacky feels that, judging from your first post, this blog is destined for a long and distinguished career in the world of suck.

Note: Smacky feels that there is nothing sweeter than using the first comment in the first post in a new blog to insult the blog owner.

Smacky's Update:
Apparently, this blog has shut down. You can all thank Smacky for ridding the world of at least one crappy blog.

Bunny Johnson

Blog Name: Bunny Johnson
Comment Left: As an interesting side note, now that Don Knotts is dead, he smells just as bad as this blog.

Dead Ink Vinyl

Blog Name: Dead Ink Vinyl
Comment Left: Smacky would like to invite this blog's owner to fornicate themselves with a curry comb.

Friday, February 24, 2006

Great Petaluma Quilt Show

Blog Name: Great Petaluma Quilt Show
Comment Left: The idea of attending the Great Petaluma Quilt Show is, to any right-thinking person, about as enjoyable as spending the winter in a small wooden box. This show is also guitly of the most egregious misuse of the word "Great" since Martha Hedgewick of Chatham, Ontario, claimed that her mother-in-law's lasagna tasted great, when in fact it was at best mediocre.

Yuss Yuss!! Duffinitely!!

Blog Name: Yuss Yuss!! Duffinitely!!
Comment Left: The contents of this blog could be readily replaced with 15 pounds of rotting pork without any appreciable difference in content quality.

Hodgepodge from The Geranium Farm

Blog Name: Hodgepodge from The Geranium Farm
Comment Left: Reading this blog can be compared to the act of watching paint dry, then chipping it off the wall and eating it.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Dustin's Diary

Blog Name: Dustin's Diary
Comment Left: Smacky has forwarded this blog URL to the US jail-keepers at Guantanamo Bay. Soon, there will be pictures of Iraqi soldiers being tortured by being forced to to read this blog.

lalalalala i'm bored!

Blog Name: lalalalala i'm bored!
Comment Left: Smacky conducted an experiment. He took a photograph of this blog owner, and blew it up lifesized. He then had a cardboard cutout made, with the face missing, like the ones you see at carnivals and fairs. He then shoved a baboon's engorged red ass through the face hole, and took a picture.

No one could tell the difference between this new photo and the original.

flor de papel

Blog Name: flor de papel
Comment Left: Smacky quisiera comentar respecto a su blog, pero él no sabe decir que "este blog es basura" en español.

Translation: Smacky would like to comment on your blog, but he doesn't know how to say "this blog is garbage" in Spanish.

Blog Day Afternoon

Blog Name: Blog Day Afternoon
Comment Left: Smacky is of the opinion that the opinions expressed in these comments, as well as the original posts that spawned them, are as intelligent and well thought out as the idea of using your own rectum as a lunch box.

Spa, Massage and more

Blog Name: Spa, Massage and more
Comment Left: Smacky recommends this spa highly. The happy endings are mediocre, but only 5 bucks.

The Brubakers

Blog Name: The Brubakers
Comment Left: Pictures like these should carry a warning label. Something like "WARNING: The following photographs should not be viewed by the elderly, pregnant women, or anyone else who might be upset by a photograph of two twats".

TShirt Hell

Blog Name: TShirt Hell
Comment Left: Smacky hates your site. Not because of the t-shirts. No, they are funny. Smacky hates your site because it gives babies cancer.

BTW, to forestall any bitching, Smacky fully realizes that TShirt Hell is not a blog. However, Smacky hates the site so much, he wanted to comment anyway. He had to do it by email, because the Satan-loving puppy fucker who owns this site doesn't have a comment section. Just like the Nazis. They didn't have a comment section on their website either.


Blog Name: EgOiStE
Comment Left: Smacky hates this blog because its owner looks like Vin Deisel combined with a tutu and a fruit salad.

I AM ... NOT

Blog Name: I AM ... NOT
Comment Left: I think Smacky sums it up best when he says "This blog blows worse than Albert Camus' grandmother with a mouthful of tacks".

Bird's Nest

Blog Name: Bird's Nest
Comment Left: Reading this blog is more displeasing than the act of smearing leper excrement in your eyes.


Blog Name: nonincriminating
Comment Left: Smacky hates this blog more than he hates cancer.

Why should I care?

Blog Name: Why should I care?
Comment Left: Reading this blog can be favourably compared to the act of severing one's own penis by coating it with beef soup base and shoving a starving ferret down your pants.

Living like a Bolivian

Blog Name: Living like a Bolivian
Comment Left: The pictures on this blog are equally as fascinating as photographs of Kathy Lee Gifford eating porridge.

Darling Vik

Blog Name: Darling Vik
Comment Left: According to those who have tried it, kissing Vik is comparable to kissing an ashtray. An ashtray filled with goat semen.

My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles

Blog Name: My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles
Comment Left: Reading your blog brings to mind those heady days of the Algonquin Round Table. In specific, the heady, potent puddles of vomit and vaginal discharge left under the table by Dorothy Parker.

Gallery of the Absurd

Blog Name: Gallery of the Absurd
Comment Left: Imagine a drunken homeless person, staggering down the street. A dog runs up, and takes a crap in a pile of rotting vegetation near a dumpster. The homeless person then proceeds to vomit on the pile. This blog is worse than that pile.


Comment Left: You probably don't read English. Smacky certainly can't read the strange collection of random letter samplings that passes for your native tongue. Be that as it may, the owner of this blog is an ass.

The Book Bitches

Blog Name: The Book Bitches
Comment Left: This blog, if taken internally, would cause intestinal cysts.

Songs about Faith

Blog Name: Songs about Faith
Comment Left: Faith. Smacky has faith that one day this crappy blog will learn how to write good poetry.


Blog Name: Introspectre
Comment Left: This blog smells like a bucket of vulture vomit, after it had just gotten through eating the bloated and maggot-ridden corpse of some guy Dick Cheney shot and killed.

Note - Comments for this blog are moderated, so Smacky's comment will likely not appear.


Blog Name: morrisey_live
Comment Left: If you painted this blog yellow and added planted some new flowers, it would still blow dead lungfish.

My Ox Is Broken

Blog Name: My Ox Is Broken
Comment Left: This blog derives 87% of its content from fetid Louisianna swamplands.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Bene Diction Blogs On

Blog Name: Bene Diction Blogs On
Comment Left: Jesus hates this blog.

Going Underground's Blog

Blog Name: Going Underground's Blog
Comment Left: This blog scored 75% on the WHSMPBC (Walford-Harrington Standardized Measure of Putrid Blog Content). There is a +25% margin of error.

A Welsh View

Blog Name: A Welsh View
Comment Left: If this blog were to be printed out on normal paper and these pages were to be set on fire, the resulting ash would smell exactly like suck.


Blog Name: Groovy
Comment Left: According to a 17-million dollar study commissioned in 2004, and conducted at UCLA, this blog sucks ass.


Blog Name: Il_Duce
Comment Left: Your blog suffers from penis envy.

Budo No Kenkyukai

Blog Name: Budo No Kenkyukai
Comment Left: Try manipulating the space around you in order to not suck

Dirty Olive

Blog Name: Dirty Olive
Comment Left: Your blog smells like yogurt.

Monday, February 20, 2006


Blog Name: .Jon.Reardon.
Comment Left: Funny. "My dog is dead. No it isn't". No wonder nobody reads your blog.

Friday, February 17, 2006

The Complimenting Commenter

For my first effort, I decided to start with the blog that started it all: The Complimenting Commenter.

Blog Name: The Complimenting Commenter
Comment Left: This blog is puerile, and lacks redemptive qualities.

Overall, I applaud this website in its desire to create happy-squishy feelings by running around complimenting people on their blogs. Of course, the idea of complimenting someone regardless of merit is pretty much as stupid as, say, insulting someone regardless of whether or not they deserve it.

Welcome to the Insult O' Matic

Greetings. My name is Smacky, and I am a mouse. You may wonder how I come to have not only access to the Internet, but the ability to create cogent sentences. Well, the answer is simple. Don't be a nosy prick.

I once encountered a blog called the "Complimenting Commmenter". The sole purpose of this site is to go around and compliment various blogs, regardless of merit. Seems pretty stupid to me. So, in the interests of universal balance and harmony, I have decided to create a blog whose sole purpose is to go around insulting other blogs.

No blog is safe. Anyone can be insulted by Smacky. I will choose the blog to be insulted at random, based upon a complex mathematical formula including factors such as daily hits, astrological forecasts, and random dumb luck.

If your blog has been chosen to be insulted, consider yourself lucky. Many are mocked, but few are chosen. I invite all comments, and anticipate significant backlash. To you backlashers out there, allow me to remind you of the Insult O' Matic Blog's motto:

Fuck you, you humourless fuck.